In the general case my house is clean because I find it to be so. However you feel about that is on you(grandma I’m looking at you), trying to elevate yourself by picking apart other people is toxic.

If I am hosting I will make it nice. I chose to host and so I chose a big event and I will decorate and deep clean and move stuff into the garage and whatever else.

On a random day if you show up or are coming over I am doing absolutely nothing different. I don’t expect you to either. We are friends/family and I take you as you are. I expect the same.

For specifics on the day to day. There are never dirty dishes in my sink that’s about all I can say lol.

Interesting. Would you care to address any of the sentiment I have expressed within the framework of the OP?

Or do you just want to attack me?

Care to share anything about yourself, your lived experience? I’m not even sure you qualify to comment on my thoughts at all.

Do you have or have you ever been in an LTR? How long? Is it successful? Kids? What are your regrets? What do you struggle with? Are you, ahem, a man?

Consider the OP. I certainly didn’t just pop up with this. The premise is literally that a huge majority of married men express regret. Then I share my experience. Here you come “pshaw that’s not even real!! You are sick and need help.”

Hmmm. I wonder who is honestly working through their issues and who is simply denying. I’m willing to bet it isn’t me. Or perhaps we are just different.

Because we are lacking actualization. I will use I statements but there is LOTS of consulting with other men and reflection in this.

I enjoy making my wife and kids happy. I get some satisfaction from compersion. A lot in fact. But that is not primarily for me. I am not filling my own cup as it we’re.

But what I really want is to win women. I want the admiration and loyalty of women. I essentially want a harem. That is a huge ask and not realistic but deep down inside that is what I repress all day every day. I am hardwired to pursue women. I have found this to be true of basically all men in private conversation, whether they verbalize it in those terms or not. It is not politically correct and so crazy to say out loud that the very idea of my true sexuality is essentially a thought crime.

I don’t want monogamy.

I will never be really satisfied by sports or fishing or whittling wood or any of the things that we take on when we retire from life by participating in monogamy.

The grass is always greener it’s true and I think a lot of men have experienced loneliness and are happy to have someone. I have always had an SO and a waiting list. My wife is so incredibly good to me that I just can’t leave to fulfill myself. It’s fucked up honestly and I carry a lot of resentment.

This is just the part you asked about and there are complexities throughout but that’s the gist.

I’m going to disagree here. Blaming the sacklers is a copout.

People use drugs because they are unfulfilled, repressed, etc. our situation and culture is fucked up.

People are NOT going to start, or stop, using drugs due to the actions of some scapegoat. Frankly dr prescribed opiates from the pharmacy are likely our best bet. They/we(I am in recovery) are going to use something because we WANT to. Not because you are selling it. You are selling it because I want it.

Watch what happens when they pull Kratom and 7oh. Another wave of death as people turn to the streets. A new scapegoat for the capitalists sucking our lives away for their benefit. 8 hour work, they own your lunch too pretty much so that’s 9. Commute and hour each way. That’s 11. Pick up the kids cook dinner and do it all again. Just do subsist and breed the next gen of sheep to be sheared. THATS who you blame.

There is no reward doing that for someone else so we seek out a way to stimulate our reward pathway.

Off the top of my head Andre Norton is completely overlooked in this thread. Like… what?

Mercedes lackey.

Cj Cherryh.

Katherine Kurtz.