I mean I can see from your point of view and get why you’re angry with the family for not taking you in but do you believe anyone in the family were more capable than the foster care(even if they wanted you)? Taking on someone’s kids is a massive responsibility as you even admit from the experience with the foster care how easy it was that you were removed. The only time that doesn’t happen is if you’re with your family of origin. Anywhere else even in extended you would have been removed as you’d be under the guardians of state or province the moment your natural parents are gone. And Unless someone has planned to have a family you can’t assume they have the stability you’re expected to have for raising a child. A lot of people have to prove they can provide and they simply can’t and easily fail and the system won’t allow them regardless of their intention.
Source: I’ve had to be in foster care because even though my mom was present but too drunk and physically abusive. I don’t blame the rest of her family for not being able to take me in though. I spent a lot of time running away from her (and the fucked up foster system) until eventually I was legal. That’s when some of her family could take me in as a boarder because I was more independent (but more importantly: legal and no blowback on them) and i had a goal already set for school. And I get why now as it would have been a huge legal risk had they taken me in before then. I already had cops on my run away tail too often so I couldnt do that to them. And I probably would have been worse off if they took me on because I’d be taken away from them over something insanely stupid too and placed in foster care and with even less chance of finishing school the way I wanted to.
Basically I was done with being parented when I was 14. I was super independent and was working odd jobs which was easy to support myself and stay with friends. But I had to fuck around on my own outrunning cops until 18 when I could actually get some of my more serious adulting plans I had done.
I honestly don’t blame the adults around for that. I blame the system is very poorly designed to hurt any adult who would have wanted to legitimately help. And that’s really really super fucked up how it’s the system made for kids that is actually against the kids it’s supposed to help. Blind help isn’t help.
I mean I can see from your point of view and get why you’re angry with the family for not taking you in but do you believe anyone in the family were more capable than the foster care(even if they wanted you)? Taking on someone’s kids is a massive responsibility as you even admit from the experience with the foster care how easy it was that you were removed. The only time that doesn’t happen is if you’re with your family of origin. Anywhere else even in extended you would have been removed as you’d be under the guardians of state or province the moment your natural parents are gone. And Unless someone has planned to have a family you can’t assume they have the stability you’re expected to have for raising a child. A lot of people have to prove they can provide and they simply can’t and easily fail and the system won’t allow them regardless of their intention.
Source: I’ve had to be in foster care because even though my mom was present but too drunk and physically abusive. I don’t blame the rest of her family for not being able to take me in though. I spent a lot of time running away from her (and the fucked up foster system) until eventually I was legal. That’s when some of her family could take me in as a boarder because I was more independent (but more importantly: legal and no blowback on them) and i had a goal already set for school. And I get why now as it would have been a huge legal risk had they taken me in before then. I already had cops on my run away tail too often so I couldnt do that to them. And I probably would have been worse off if they took me on because I’d be taken away from them over something insanely stupid too and placed in foster care and with even less chance of finishing school the way I wanted to.
Basically I was done with being parented when I was 14. I was super independent and was working odd jobs which was easy to support myself and stay with friends. But I had to fuck around on my own outrunning cops until 18 when I could actually get some of my more serious adulting plans I had done.
I honestly don’t blame the adults around for that. I blame the system is very poorly designed to hurt any adult who would have wanted to legitimately help. And that’s really really super fucked up how it’s the system made for kids that is actually against the kids it’s supposed to help. Blind help isn’t help.