Listen, I tend to think gamers cry “wolf” too often when it comes to bad games.

Yooka-Laylee is pretty good. I like Mass Effect: Andromeda. And Metroid: Other M was highly enjoyable.

But you’re right about Bionic Commando (2009). At first, I just thought it was quirky. And the whole grittiness was strange. Specifically, the aspect of his arm being his dead wife—yeah, that’s weird as hell.

After four hours of playing this game, I’m waving the white flag. I can tolerate a dumb cheesy plot. But rockets that can’t aim properly? No.

The best part is when you get to swing your arm and move, but even this is executed clunky. Just getting from place to place is a chore. And those boss battles are grindy as hell and not fun.

But worst of all, why the hell did they give Nathan Spencer dreadlocks? This might seem like a small detail, but it’s really indicative of how this whole game went off the rails. They really tried to give this game some edge but I cannot help but cringe.

I don’t know if I’ll attempt to play this again but… woof!