Kind of reminded me of this one.

No, thank you.

I have no experience with boiled peanuts. What’s the deal?

Man, that’s so sad.

My purpose it to be sitting on a beach, fat and drunk.

I keep my fireworks in the warming drawer.

“It’s 9 a.m., and I don’t feel like drinking, but…”

What was the scenario (if you don’t mind saying)?

Sometimes, when I think about it, I just start blubbering.

I hit a minke whale in my pickup while driving home one night, just north of Belle Fourche, South Dakota. Son of a bitch breached over a guardrail and flopped down right in front of me before I’d even had a chance to hit the brakes. Hit him square in the blow hole and mangled the whole front end of the truck. The fishy bastard just dusted himself off and fucked off into the night, making them wierd ass whale noises at me the whole time. Ever since that night, I take the long way home.

People who think that are creepy and weird.

Firearms dealer

214 years ago, since I’m an insufferable pedant.

You should, it’s pretty nice.