Awe, I love you sister , glad I could help <3

It was amazing! I’ve chosen my friends really well. I came out to 7/8 close friends, who are really the only people about whose acceptance I really care. And everyone of them didn’t for a single second doubt my experience and made perfectly clear, that they’ll support me on my journey, however I want to proceed.

Only one friend to tell left, but there really isn’t any fear left of how she’d react. Before I’ve been rather anxious I’d find out there are bigots among them, but they’ve proven me wrong <3. It feels so incredibly good right now to realise I won’t ever have to wear that fucking man mask again, at least in front of them.

It really can be that easy, huh?

I liked that one too, Rilee in my case. When still questioning I’ve had a list of ambiguous names, Jamie and Rilee were the last two contenders.

I just feel like if I don’t set a rigid rule for naming myself, I’ll end up changing it every month. I’m very indecisive.

Yeah, same struggle here. And I’m quiet good at being indecisive.

Awe, what an honor. Do they know?

That’s a beautiful approach. Not a lot of hope that my parents will accept me when coming out, but if they do, I might ask if they had anything in mind.

Heh, now that you say this, I always loved the idea of naming a daughter Eskarina, from Pratchett’s discworld. She’s this young girl, gifted with magic powers and goes out into the world to become the first sorceress (women were only allowed to become witches before). And she (almost) doesn’t take anyone’s shit.

Though, I believe legally where I’m from, I’ll only get to pick from “real” names and that’s mostly in the case workers discretion.

A little late to the party, but here I am :3

I’m actually not sure if I had a feeling like this when I was questioning. Maybe it was there, but I hadn’t really felt it, like with most emotions before accepting myself. But when I did, it hit me like a truck. I’ve felt like I was high for week, without any kind of drawback. Now that blew over a little, but I seem to be generally way more in touch my feelings and I love it.

Also know what it’s like to not get the results from therapy I’d like… There was a rather important puzzle piece missing. And there was a pretty big mislead, religious indoctrination, that I’ve used to explain myself, but I just never quiet got there.

If you feel like you’re ready, for me the Gender Dysphoria Bible was of insane help in figuring myself out. But no pressure, always proceed on your own speed!

A lot of what you write really resonates with me. I’m in my mid thirties, hatched a few weeks ago and grew up with a lot of religious indoctrination. Makes it really hard to actually dare asking those questions… I remember how adults wanted me to wear suits in church, how that fucked with my mind and lead to me shutting this part of me away. I haven’t started to transition yet and do have some doubts, about being too late, though, I’m trying not to focus on it too much.

The perspective I’d like to offer is, that even though I’m still not presenting as a woman, having found that answer for myself has had a profound effect on my mental well-being already. There were so many feelings I never quiet get, thoughts that didn’t make a lot of sense and strong memories which I didn’t really understand. And now it’s all becoming clearer, so many puzzle pieces that are just falling into place. I can finally accept myself for who I am, a gift nobody can ever take away.

That second one triggered another memory… when I was a kid in a church going family, at some point I was expected to dress more appropriately. That of course meant wearing a shirt, eventually suit and tie. I hated this so, so much, actually never got through with wearing a tie. And I was so, so jealous of all the women who could dress nice in beautiful skirts and dresses. That might’ve been the moment I accepted the lie that I am a man and started to believe I have to live up to that.

Oh, and another fun fact: Turns out most cis-men apparently do not have a phase in their teens, where they wonder if they’d be a better and more productive member of society if they lost their dicks for some reason. It wasn’t even related to gender at all, I somehow just believed, as some kind of eunuch, I might be a happier person.

Sounds like you’ll get some answers soon, feel free to update, if you’re up for it. Can’t wait to find out what more estrogen does to me as well.

Huh, relationship experiences will probably be its own rabbit hole to dive into. Now that you mention it, Sex was generally overwhelming, with all the expectations I’ve mostly put on myself, trying to perform like a man. Pretty much thought I’d have to dissociate to make it work and that’s what every man does.

Oh I’ve seen that one… There it is.

Hey there and welcome!

I’m very new here myself, already glad I joined <3

Glad to hear it turned out well for you! I’m convinced, definitely going to make that call tomorrow.

Make sure you don’t hesitate or suppress that part of yourself just based on what you think others will say or think. That doesn’t work long-term.

Good point, yeah, I guess that’s practically what I’ve been trying to do for the last two decades, by being in denial. It did not work at all.

I’m gonna be honest, part of what makes it easy to accept right now is also knowing that whatever happens, happens on my terms, and my terms only. But while the thought of transition is scary… the thought of staying closeted is just as sad. I’m also thinking that gender dysphoria might get worse, now that am conscious about it.

Trying to find trans friends would be nice, though it does feel a bit selfish under the circumstances. I’ve found a contact to a local self help group, maybe I’ll start there.

Anyway, thanks for your kind words and input.

Oh, I’m definitely interested to see what more estrogen feels like, surely I’ll at least try for a few weeks / months eventually. But actually transitioning… that’s still a very scary thought. Or even coming out in rl at all. For now the decision is just accepting myself, no more, no less.

Maybe I should rewatch some of my favourite movies.

Well, there’s still a lot of stuff that I’m unsure about and I don’t know where I’ll end up eventually, although I do lean strongly towards a feminine identity at the moment.

But maybe I should consider myself lucky, because there also were signs all along which are just insanely clear now that I’ve finally dared to read through the Gender Dysphoria Bible.

I hope you find the answers you’re looking for.