• 3 Posts
  • 51 Comments
Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 26th, 2023

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  • Yeah that describes me pretty well, but I’m not bummed. I mean, not really.

    I don’t know. I could use therapy, but I must not have been honest enough because through my drug rehab program I was in therapy and they decided that I didn’t need it any more. They said that if I felt like I did, I could tell them, but I always want to just grab my meds, joke with the doctor, and get out of there.

    I don’t know. If I am depressed I’m surviving. I wasn’t surviving before. I was just paralyzed and waiting for death. I felt like a living thing though without having to think about it, but I didn’t want to be a living thing. Now I do, and my life is objectively a mess but I’m doing better than I ever have, so it’s hard to say I’m depressed when I’m doing better than ever.

    Life is a challenge, and that sucks because so far for me, it has flown by.





  • I just wish I had the desire to make friends or keep them. Every step we take in this world requires other people, and yet the most exhausting thing in this world to me is company. I can’t have a career of any kind because the whole idea of doing a social dance makes me want to vomit. It just isn’t in me.

    I’m not depressed, at least I don’t think I am. I don’t really feel sad.

    I always wanted to be a musician and I recorded a lot of songs when I was younger. I got pretty good at it even, and then I just stopped one day because I stopped feeling sad. I never shared any of it really. I still play, I just don’t take it seriously or write any more. I want to, because I put so much of myself into it. When I listen to a record I love, all I can do after is dream about making something that someone would love that much, but even if I did I’d never put it out there.

    I don’t even know why I typed this out. Your comment just opened me up I guess.

    Fuck it. Here’s one of those songs I wrote a thousand years ago.

    https://mega.nz/file/c0lkyZiT#MrSCD8ZCK_W5QmU5hekJrhhP-J3tGKUHvpAR748MQ10

    There, now I’ve shared one.


  • I haven’t seen them in nearly 20 years. It’s embarrassing how Star Wars obsessed I was as a teenager. Like, holy shit embarrassing. I “photoshopped” images of myself with light sabers and everything.

    Fuck it. I’ll show you guys. Man. I shouldn’t.

    I thought the one was gone forever, but my sister wasn’t going to let that happen. She said when I posted it to MySpace she knew I’d be embarrassed one day and delete it so she printed it off. Haha. What a dick.

    Damn. Here goes.