Maybe it’s cuz I’m an introvert, but I realized I haven’t really talk to my aunts/uncles outside of family gatherings that I was forced to go to…
Like idk, older generation feels so weird… like they feel kinda intimidating…
Yes. We get together with extended family every year. We enjoy each other’s company.
Weirdo
Yeah i never call or hang out with them separately, but i enjoy seeing them once or twice a year when we all get together
No. But also I don’t really make any effort. I see the drama my wife goes through with her close family and I don’t need any of that. They are just strangers who share a relative with me.
No ill feelings, I’m just no less awkward with them than other normies.
I used to until they all joined the maga cult. Last one i saw in person said the n word in an unprovoked rant about black people, then praised trump for allowing him to feel comfortable saying it again…
I won’t see most of them but at funerals. The last funeral was terrible because they are terrible people now. Cousin also wore a trump shirt to the funeral. Trashy.
…said the n word in an unprovoked rant about black people, then praised trump for allowing him to feel comfortable saying it again…
There’s the whole MAGA movement summed up in one sentence.
(I know I’m generalizing, but) in my life, the same people who would have crucified someone wearing anything but a black suit and tie are many of the same people who would wear The Orange Anus’s clothing line at a funeral now.
Same thing with wearing/modifying the American flag. It used to be verboten by nationalists, but now it’s not (if they do it).
Relationships are incredibly important for living a long and fulfilling life.
One of the most common regrets of those nearing the end of their life:
“I wish I had stayed in touch with the people who mattered.”
It also has a protective factor to your health too.
Now, does that mean that you have to force yourself to like those extended relatives? No, of course not. Just like any other people, you must make the assessment whether these people are on the whole a benefit or a deterrent to you.
But being a family member often grants you a quick on-ramp to foster those relationships.
We all often say it’s too hard, we’re too busy. And I’d argue that if you find value in it, then you’re going to do it with intention and make the time.
Yes. I pick the ones I like and make an effort with them. A handful of cousins and their families. Don’t mind keeping a cursory, light interaction with some aunts and uncles.
It depends.
As you get older these kinds of relationships become more important because… for most people they’re one of very few constants in life. As in, friends and even partners come and go but from the day I’m born to the day I die, my ancestors will be my ancestors, and I share that in common with extended family.
That doesn’t mean you have to talk to them or keep in touch with them or go to family gatherings. It just means that even after 3 decades of not speaking to a particular uncle or aunt, they still have that background and that title.
To some people that might not have much meaning and that’s fine, but to me it does mean something, although I’m not sure what exactly.
I have this very weird “connection” to one of my aunts… like… she was the one that sponsored for my family to be in the US, so I kinda feel grateful for not having to be in China. Like she always act very “nice” towards me… idk I feel like its a flame that’s too hot to touch… I’m an introvert and I don’t like social butteflies being so like… saying a bunch of weird things like… how do I put it… like very personal things… like maybe its just Chinese culture, but there’s no topic that’s “off limits” that these relatives won’t talk about (I’m talking about like the overall “family culture” vibes), even very personal stuff like your bodyweight, “omg you grew taller” then this aunt kinda tries to lectures us on stuff like how she raises her children and as if to say this is how you’re supposed to be raised and your parents are raising you wrong (implied, not actually said), future and marriage stuff like “hey when you get older, you’re gonna get married right?”, “what do you wanna be when you grow up”, “which college do you wanna go to?”, “we’re going on this expensive trip, do you wanna come with us” like just showing off their wealth (they’re “middle class”, and my family is lower on the wealth scale), and like this aunt would like constantly like to take pictures of me when I don’t really like it (like not in a creepy way, its a different cultural expentations so taking pictures of kids is not considered weird, I just find it very annoying… I hate being in photos since I’m just shy af lol) like we don’t see each other often…
Like idk feels like this aunt looks at me like as if I’m this very skittish kitten and just really want to like “pet” me, know what I mean…
So, me with that “skittish kitten attitude” I just feel reluctant to “be around with this human” that really wants to get close to me. But I still feel grateful to like be in this country thanks to the aunt.
Yep. I’m Australian and my partner was raised in South East Asia.
I run into similar cultural discrepancies (?) from time to time. Like in her home country it’s 100% acceptable to tell someone they’re overweight and everyone have a good old laugh about it.
And yeah, photos. God.
I don’t really have any solutions for you I’m sorry.
I have a weekly D&D game with my favorite aunt and uncle, as well as my Dad and my cousin’s husband.
The latter runs one weekend, and I run the next, completely separate games of course.
I’m 51, my dad is 79, and his sister and her husband are a few years younger than he is. No idea on my fellow DM, I suspect late 40s.
If you find a common thread to hang on to, you can have a great relationship.
In this case, my aunt and uncle knew I was a huge weird nerd whose dad introduced him to D&D at 7 years old, so they thought to invite me when their daughter’s husband made a game for them.
Seven years later, we are still at it and I run a game for my friends as well.
These relationships can be nurtured, as all can. You just have to find and maintain the why’s.
Even people who don’t give a crap about birdwatching may still love to see the birds their old friends spot.
But to further your point, I don’t make much of an effort for those relatives that I don’t have much in common with.
This year’s Christmas present is a box of homemade fudge, rice krispie treats, and spicy chex mix, all homemade.
That’s the effort I put in for those I don’t have in my weekly or monthly life but are extended family.
I have some contact with my siblings but pretty much only see most people once a year for holidays. I could do without the holidays, honestly.
The last line makes it sound a lot more like social anxiety than introversion.
Eh, when I was in K-12 school, I remember talking to my peers in just fine…
Like what do I even say to older generations? There’s an authority differential I feel like.
Just catch up what’s been going on in each other’s lives. Not rocket science. I’m not close with extended family, but at gatherings it’s like we were never separated, the conversation just rolls.
I’m an extrovert, but my extended family is weird.
Most of them have problems, so I prefer to avoid them.
The one family unit that does that have those problems is very nice, but they are strange. I recently talked to my brother about it and he gets the same vibe from them.
But my immediate family is awesome! I talk to my mom, dad, brother, and sister weekly and I’m approaching my 40s.
No, they’re super nice people just, can’t find the energy to keep it up myself. Not that I’d remember either way… my parents are shit-shows though, so I don’t talk to them.
Yes. I have several cousins and an uncle in Germany. I admit we didn’t talk that frequently but we do talk on birthdays and holidays and we sometimes visit each other. In fact one of my cousins is coming to visit me next month. I fear for him. I hope CBP doesn’t give him a problem en route. I also share music ideas with another cousin.
I hope CBP doesn’t give him a problem en route.
Tell them to start like delete any political social media posts related to the US¹ and get a burner phone for the trip.
¹Not sure if this would even help, but leaving it up is probably worse.
That’s a good point. I travel with a burner phone.
No. All are dyed in the wool trumpers these days and didn’t do jack shit for me in younger years in the midst of very hard times of family problems (eg, parental divorce).
I have my true family and loved ones, and would rather not complicate things. I’ve already spent hundreds of thousands of words mending one close relationship successfully; but that was one worth saving as taxing as it was.
As far as older people go you mention, the funny thing is I’ve always been more comfortable around people much older than me. Always felt distant from my peers, generally.
No, mostly because they’re not worth keeping in touch with. The only times when I’ve interacted with any extended family, it’s always been as a sideshow to my parents being asked for money (or other stuff) by them. Keeping in touch with family was always secondary to them, and doing it for the sake of it was never in mind. They have no way to contact me and that’s the way I want it to be.
My parents moved away from both their extended families so I only met each side once at like family reunions.
So it’s me, twin, and mother out here in the area. I think mother keeps up with some of the 36 other cousins on her level of the family. I think twin vaguely knows what dad’s brother is up to (hiding in the woods)
We have an unholy amount of second cousins, twice removed cousins, but they’re all far away.
