There is this girl I like, in my dancing class. I want to know if we connect on other levels. I don’t want to straight up ask her what her hobbies are. I want to make it feel natural. Believe me, this makes sense within the context.
We usually talk a little bit before the class starts. So that’s really the best opportunity to ask.
While you talk about dance or anything else ask “Do you do anything else besides dance?”.
“how do you spend your (free) time”?
If you’re interested to try to get to know this person, you can ask directly as others have mentioned. They might naturally interpret it as you hitting on them, if the ages and such are similar.
If you want to be cautious, small talk is fun and less direct. Mention something from the local community or last weekend or whatever. Talk about the weather.
“Hey, got any hobbies or interests?”
No, really, most people are dying to talk about their hobbies and will gladly tell you if you ask…
True. But in my experience, people tend to engage a little better in the conversation if it feels more natural.
I’m not sure I understand what you mean? Seems very natural to me, especially if you already talk as a habit. Do you mean how do you preface the question or smooth into it or something?
What do you normally talk about? I mean, I don’t think you need to make this more complicated than it is. If you do talk already, I think it follows you’d naturally want to know more of each other? So you’d ask. How more natural can it really get?
Edit: you know what, this is my suggestion: stop overthinking it. You don’t need to make science of it and consciously think about engagement and all that, just go with the flow. You want to know something, you’ll have to eventually just ask. That’s as natural as it gets. Just keep talking and it’ll all come if the interest is mutual
Edit2: actually sorry about going on tangents and making this long, but I have to say I never thought asking questions wasn’t natural, but I have adhd and had that unmedicated and unmanaged for most of my youth. So I always just talked and talked and had fun knowing more and more, and part of that is asking questions, or that’s how I think about it. People seem very glad they get to talk about things, a lot of people don’t really get the opportunity enough I guess. I had fun and a lot of people around me and never was alone or without company if I wanted some, be it just normal casual friend stuff or romantic or sexual or whatever. I think a big part of that was the naive and unfiltered interest and questions I just had about everything and the lack of awareness about if that might be weird. ADHD just made me go and go and do and do and I never thought any of it was unnatural, and nobody ever mentioned something in that vein either. I bet some people found that annoying or rude or whatever, but those people wouldn’t have stayed in my life either way, so I guess, even thinking about it medicated and the adhd managed, in hindsight, it wouldn’t have mattered one bit.
This is all just to say that there isn’t just one good way of approaching things especially socially. I had a bunch of luck thanks to the adhd impulsivity and lack of any deeper self-awareness about social stuff, so it came naturally to me, but that same mindset can be achieved and kind of “clicked” consciously too. But that’s not the point. The point is, just go and do things, if it works it works, if not, it never would’ve worked either way, and something else will come up and work. Things have a way of working out without conscious input.
ask herBuy her data from the market.
Sooo… You too like furry femdom?
Obviously, it’s 2025.
yo dawg, whatchu do for fun? Have you considered: me?
What could go wrong? 100% chance of success
“What have you been up to lately?”[wait to see if they mention their hobby].
“I’ve been [insert your hobbies here]. Have you ever tried it?”
“No? Well what do you like to do for fun? Oh I’ve tried that too/never done that.”
Nice! That ought to work. Thank you!
Just want to add. Don’t ask them a question, waiting with a prepared response to whatever they say. Go into the conversation with an idea of what you want to say, sure, but don’t ask someone a question you don’t intend to fully listen to the answer of in an attempt to make a smooth segue.
If you ask what she’s been doing lately, and she doesn’t happen to mention her hobbies, but she does engage the conversation with you and tells you about her week, day, whatever, make sure you’re present and listening, and don’t immediately blow her response off with, “well I do XYZ, ever try?”
You got this!
please post your updates
I will, but I only see her about twice a week.
wait until she replies her hobby is answering questions on asklemmy
“we’re both on the spectrum, may I hit that?”
Don’t worry about being direct and clear - good communication is a well appreciated trait and generally people like talking about their hobbies.
“what is your hobbies precious? Tells us you must!” Then screech like this: https://youtu.be/YtZLWaqHn10
I guess there’s room for a plan B.
Anyone I have ever known will mentions their hobbies and interests overtime when talking in general.
So… what activities do you partake in, in order to distract yourself from the cruel truths of the universe? Ye know… the fact what we are all going to die, humanity is going to go extinct, and there will never be a trace of us left, and our existence wouldn’t be significant at all, in the grand scheme of spaxe and time, and that life has no meaning at all.
“So what do you do for fun?”
If that’s too direct, just mention something fun you did recently and let them decide to respond in kind. If they don’t open up to you like that in the slightest, after you open up to them in such a small way, then you should just take the hint and go talk to someone else.
“dance has seemingly brought us both here, what else do you like to do with your free time?”
Volunteer your hobbies and interests and see if she wants to learn more about any of them.
