Saw this one on Reddit (don’t judge haha) and thought I would see what the collective of Lemmy thought!!
Babies always stare at you for ages. apparently babies like to stare at faces that are considered conventionally attractive and I found this out when I searched “why do babies always stare at me”
Babies stare at me because of my facial hair. They’re terrified. Or I’m beautiful, but probably the beard.
Why not both?
Instead of a Dark Lord, you would have a queen, not dark but beautiful and terrible as the dawn!
Well TIL. I thought it was freaky how that always happened.
Opened this expecting to be devastated and the top comment is one I’ve never heard of that has happened to me a lot recently. 🥰
This is a great way to find out!!
BRB - gotta go out and stare at a bunch of babies. i assume that might be creepy to some parents, so i will just tell them “it’s okay - i am just curious if your infant is attracted to me” which will totally make the parents feel relieved that i am not just some random weirdo.
D’oh! Not like that! It’s a “science experiment”. I don’t want to hear about anyone getting arrested for a question I posted on Lemmy 🤣
If people are generally nice to you by default, and willing to break little rules for you, you are probably attractive. Attractive people are treated better on average, and strangers you interact with who have no obligations to you will have a positive bias towards you. They might let you into the shop to grab something real quick as they close, or a person on break might help you when they were off the clock, or invite you to take something normally reserved for a specific group you’re not a part of. Those are perks and special treatment, and not the norm for people who are unattractive.
If you find yourself thinking “well people do that for me sometimes but it’s just because I’m polite and friendly” or something, now you’re getting it.
Same with being tall. Tall people are more likely to get promoted because when you’re a kid the people in charge are taller than you so therefore anyone taller than you should be in charge.
That’s how orks in WH40k work
Yeah, in some scenarioss you kinda have default authorithy and people like to assign leadership roles to you. For me, I’m aware height + my personality also makes me scary and unapproachable. Its a strange combitation.
I would agree with this. I have not experienced this so now I know where I stand 😂
Appreciate your detailed response.
I‘m fat but good looking. I used to be thin and good looking, before that I was fat and good looking (lockdown, food delivery and minimum order value made me fat again)
People are nicer to you when you’re good looking. When you’re fat, they see you as fat before they see you as a person.
Once they know you, they’re nice to you. But before that you’re just fat, no person.
Can you describe more specifically these differences in how you were treated?
Most people will assume you’re lazy if you’re fat
I always dislike the term fat. I understand it but really dislike it.
Sadly I also understand your perspective. I’ve had challenges with weight before as well.
I always dislike the term fat. I understand it but really dislike it.
I think it’s much better than ntfs
Yeah, agreed, I think just about anything is better than ntfs 😆
I never saw myself as ugly, but I always just assumed I was pretty average. It’s not like people were tripping over themselves to spend time with me. I didn’t have supermodel attraction powers or anything; the most attractive people in my school never gave me the time of day. Every person I’ve ever dated asked me out, but I just assumed that was normal for anyone who wasn’t absolutely hideous.
(For the record, I tried to ask someone out once and it went so wrong, I never had the courage to ask anyone else out again, so the only time I dated anyone was when they approached me. Which happened quite a bit throughout my younger years.)
I’ve had friends talk about how jealous they are of certain features of mine (strong jaw, ability to grow a thick lumberjack beard, being taller than most of our friend group, etc.) but I was also jealous of certain features my friends shared, so I didn’t ever feel physically superior to anyone. You want what you can’t have, right?
But now I’m in my 40s, my hair is starting to thin, and thanks to a permanently busted leg and two bad knees, I can’t exercise without pain and have gained probably 60+ pounds in recent years. All of a sudden, I’ve realized that people don’t really notice me anymore. I don’t draw much attention when I go out in public and people aren’t as captivated by my conversation like they used to be.
My wife also used to love pointing out when strangers were staring at me in public. She used to brag that she’d snagged an attractive man and that other girls are just jealous. I used to think she was just trying to hype herself up, since she used to talk down about herself a lot, so I’d play along and praise her for being so lucky (and also let her know how lucky I was for getting to spend time with a woman like her). But it’s been years now since she’s pointed out anyone staring at me in public.
It’s kind of dawning on me that I may have been pretty attractive as a young man. But like all things, beauty fades with age and I’m in an awkward phase where people aren’t really paying much attention to me anymore. It’s definitely hitting the ego, not only noticing the lack of attention, but realizing too late that I had that kind of attractive power in my youth. If I hadn’t been crippled with introversion most of my youth, I probably could’ve been extremely popular.
I will point out, I shared a link to a blog of mine on Lemmy sometime earlier this year and I got a single comment, praising my attractive profile pic on my blog. Which is the first positive thing anyone’s said about my appearance in years. That was a wonderful feeling, but also kind of hit hard, realizing that people don’t really comment on my looks anymore.
That profile picture is maybe 5 years old now, and whereas I want to replace it with a more current one, I’ve been struggling to take one that doesn’t make me feel old and ugly. So I’m going to keep using that older one until I feel like it no longer looks like me.
Hey, on the topic of weight, you should look into low impact calisthenics and yoga. My spouse and I aren’t much younger than you and we both have long standing knee injuries, this stuff has been game changing.
I’m in rather the opposite boat. Always figured I was average as a young man, but somehow ending up punching above my weight class with women. LOL, I was so clueless.
By my late 40s I think I peaked on looks. Now I’m 54 and slipping a bit, but finding dates was easy money! Be middle-aged, non-fat with all original teeth and hair, non-MAGA, I was hitting on all 8 cylinders! Had so many women to the house the neighbors were both disgusted and amazed. (This was COVID times, so a first date at someone’s house was a thing. Weird, I know.)
Every person I’ve ever dated asked me out, but I just assumed that was normal for anyone who wasn’t absolutely hideous.
features of mine (strong jaw, ability to grow a thick lumberjack beard, being taller than most of our friend group, etc.)
Assuming you’re a man, it is absolutely not normal to be asked out by women. It is starting to happen more and more, but living in berlin, being surrounded by very left wing people, I still only rarely hear about a woman initiating a romantic relationship.
that seems like a fair assumption to make considering he mentioned his wife bragging that she had snagged an attractive man :3
Yeah I’m not saying I don’t get why he’d think that. I’m just saying its far from the Norm.
Before online dating I only dated women who were clearly hitting on me or asked me out. 80s movies scared me about being “that guy”.
Regardless of your physical appearance you are eloquent and rational, so I think you’re Beautiful.
Appreciate the detailed response. Everyone will age, it’s kinda part of the being human thing.
The most important I take from your story… you have a loving wife. That counts for more than anything 🙂
I’ll add: Even if you’re aging and in a happy marriage, you owe it to your partner to try to keep up your attractiveness. I dress nicely almost every night for my wife.
True, while it’s not necessarily easy to meet the right person… it takes effort to make it actually work, especially for a long time.
Attractiveness being one aspect of that formula.
People will just tell you. It is that easy.
You get free merch. People insist on paying for your stuff or you cutting in line. Random compliments. Contagious smile. People imitating you. Being asked out.
I took off my glasses once and another guy saw me and said, “wow you’re a really handsome guy.” I kinda blushed a bit, and it kind of made my day.
Man wait until you hear about gay online dating
Ah I’m already married to a great guy ^^
Is gay online dating full of reciprocal compliments?
It happened to me a few times where I was targeted by promoters for various things who asked if they could take a picture of me with the product. I was asked by people I would consider attractive. It didn’t dawn on me until later in life that I may have been attractive.
Does this happen to you? I would assume strangers walking up to you and just saying “you’re attractive” feels… odd.
Not saying doesn’t happen, but, maybe just surprised.
Yes, if I look attractive that day, people will say stuff like, “Wow you have such beautiful eyes/smile/teeth/skin.” It usually isn’t even about that specific body part, they are just trying to communicate they find me pretty in a polite way. I also get told I look like various celebrities that I definitely do not look like lol, my friends would keep a list of names of them because it was pretty random and it again is just someone trying to say I’m attractive. Eg Kristen Bell, Dianna Agron, Kirsten Dunst, Amy Adams - I do not look like these women lol
Ahhh I see! I would just roll with it and try to enjoy the compliments 🙂
Also, the fact that people want to engage with you should be a good thing… yes/no?
I’m neutral to it. It’s just something some people do.
Got it, thank you so much for sharing!! I appreciate it!
If you spend any amount of time engaging with “influencer” social media content, then you likely have a skewed perspective and damaged self image.
I’m not sure I follow this response. Would you be willing to expand on it?
What about engaging with influencers would dictate attractiveness or lack there of?
The post is not asking about how attractive or not someone is. It is asking about indicators that one may be more attractive than they think. A common indicator is engagement with unhealthy social media.
That’s fair and I appreciate the follow up. When I posted that question, I wasn’t thinking along those lines. I was thinking more along the lines of the “baby stare”, “people being really nice to you”, “people being flirty”.
In the context of “someone doesn’t think they are attractive but the signs they get say otherwise, even if they don’t recognize them”.
Always interesting to hear a different perspective. I hope you’re having a great day!!
People smile at more attractive people more often.
Not just on beauty, attractive can mean relatable too.
This sounds rather vain and I hate it, but when I was younger I was fairly attractive. Flashing a quick smile - the genuine kind, with your eyes, like you do when you’re happy to see someone - to women especially, but even men, would do wonders when I needed help.
Like in a crowded coffee shop - catch the busy waiter’s eye and smile, there was a huge likelihood my table would suddenly come next.
Of course being nice helps, people want to have pleasant interactions, but being attractive adds to that and gets you noted quicker.
Very similar to another comment, I’ll pay attention to that when I am people watching. Never really noticed but, I can see that.
Upon meeting you, given little to no information about you, most people are surprised that you are single (if single).
The vast majority of people smile when they see you.
This makes sense and was a theme on the Reddit responses as well.
When people don’t generally initiate a conversation with you, it means you’re either not very attractive or attractive enough for a lot of people to be intimidated
Yep. Balance. More generally it’s all about social calibration. Get a good idea of where you are, then aim for the comfortable middle.
Interesting perspective. So it could still be a toss up on attractiveness. We shouldn’t assume sounds like the lesson here.
Ya kinda like how over and underwatering plants can share similar symptoms. If you ask a conventionally attractive person if they get asked out a lot, they will often say no because people expect them to either be in a relationship already or to be rejected.
what’s important to remember at the end of the day is that you likely scratch the itch for some people out there. Some people are attracted to qualities that you may think are unattractive and a lot of the times being able to break the ice with someone puts you ahead of the vast majority of other people.
All of this makes complete sense. I hope others find your words of wisdom and take them to heart!!
Thank you so much for contributing!!
Obligatory “I unno, don’t quote me though”
If you mean attractive in a physical sense, I wouldn’t know. If you mean as a personality/presence/vibe, I think smiling genuinely make people drawn to you and give you attention. I am a smiley person a d genuinely give all my attention to the other person in a conversation, and that makes me a „popular“ person that makes people seek my presence. But I also had a lot of people saying that seeing me from the outside, just passing by them, I look arrogant and they could not imagine I was instead a nice person. But I don’t usually walk on the street and smile and look at the others all the time. I am with my thoughts, so maybe too serious. So I think smiling is a great skill for attraction. And being confident and having genuine conversations.
I wouldn’t confuse people’s impression of you for being unattractive, in my opinion. Especially if you have the ability to start up / have conversations with people.
The question really was framed in the context of physical appearance.
People laugh at your jokes more than they should, or would for somebody else.
I’ve never really noticed that but, I will keep an eye on it in the future. Just because I’m curious about human nature.
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Low self esteem. Because if it is higher, you are more attractive.
I’m not sure I follow your comment. Just having high esteem wakes people more attractive? Is that something people have experienced?
I know some folks with high self esteem but wouldn’t call them attractive.
Am I missing something?
Absolutely. Confidence is king.
There was this Amy Schumer Movie “I feel pretty” that’s exactly what I mean. She thought she was thin, her self esteem went up and everybody found her attractive.
Oh, ok, I’ll try to check it out. Not a huge fan of hers but will give it watch.
Thanks for mentioning it!!
