I just wanna say to start this off…holy shit, do I look ugly! What happened? Did HRT make me uglier? Did I get even worse at taking pictures? 😭
I know that the small cut from shaving on my chin makes me waaay uglier, but god damn. I’m really, really freaking ugly…this is way worse than I thought. I’ll definitely be getting chin, jaw and forehead FFS in the future…

I took a walk yesterday wearing my red sweater that I got from mom upon coming out to her. I didn’t think this would work, but I took the advice from @gandalf_der_12te@lemmy.blahaj.zone and wore shorts underneath the sweater.
And actually…not bad at all! I was giggling at my own shadow tho, because my sweater was just so damn flowy and it looked kinda funny. But honestly, this might be the most comfortable outfit yet! And it doesn’t look the worst either!

Now, ummm, me being me, I made this a bit indecent…meaning I wore nothing underneath the sweater, of course 😆. This, along with the strap from my bag, made my boobs very obvious for anyone who looked closely enough. Thankfully, there were no people around (this was at 12AM). Combined with the cold, my nipples were sticking straight out 😂. Surprisingly tho, the sweater kept me warm, even though I was wearing nothing underneath!
The proof is here for anyone who doesn’t believe me…

Thank you, everyone in this community. You’ve been nothing but kind to everyone posting here. The difference between Lemmy and Reddit is…just wow. Never going back to that place.
Thank you so much 💜. Everyone have a lovely day!
I’m going to go dysphorically cry about my stupid face and ugly body now 😭

  • Azalea@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    4·
    28 days ago

    I don’t think HRT would’ve made you uglier, it’s probably just the warped perception of yourself, give it enough time and you’ll probably look back at these photos thinking you were prettier, I have photos that I definitely didn’t like when I took them but looking back are completely fine.

    I didn’t even notice the cut on your chin until you pointed it out, and no that’s pretty cute actually, it doesn’t make you uglier lol. You’re over focusing on the parts of yourself you don’t like, while most people see the whole, and that way you miss all the many pretty things that more than make up for it.

    Edit: Just for some clarification, when I say ‘the parts you don’t like’, I really mean it like that, other people don’t see them in the same way you do, just in case I came off wrong. Anyway, very pretty! <3

    • Miisha ♀️@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
      2·
      28 days ago

      I can’t see many parts that I do like tbh. There’s literally nothing feminine about my face or body, my presentation or my mannerisms.
      The only feature I’m happy with are my eyes. They’re exactly like mom’s. That’s it…
      Thank you for your concern. Sorry 💙

      • Azalea@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
        3·
        28 days ago

        Your hair is feminine, I am super jealous of your body, your skin looks very smooth and fem, and your sense of style is very feminine. From what I can tell in your pictures your mannerisms are feminine, and didn’t you mention in a post that your hips sway when you walk?

        Your face doesn’t scream either way to me (like most people), but it does lean ever so slightly feminine, overall it is cute regardless, which is good, since your hair is very feminine. Again, I’d be shocked to see someone gender you masculine in public, there is not one overtly masculine feature I can point to in any of these pictures!

        Also I’m banning you from saying sorry to me, that’s it, no more!

        • Miisha ♀️@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
          2·
          26 days ago

          I have a love/hate relationship with my hair, for real 🤣. My body…I’m not sure there’s much to be jealous about, tbh. My skin is nice and smooth tho! Comparing it to pics from 2023-24…HOLY SHIT! It is much better!

          From what I can tell in your pictures your mannerisms are feminine

          Sorry for being dumb…but how so? They’re just static pictures

          and didn’t you mention in a post that your hips sway when you walk?

          They totally do! And I must look really stupid to other people, but it just feels comfortable, to walk like that! It’s just better, lol

          Your face doesn’t scream either way to me (like most people), but it does lean ever so slightly feminine, overall it is cute regardless

          KksDcoaspdPweoiCMM 😭
          You’re being too kind…
          If I actually got my forehead, jaw and chin fixed (which I plan to do)…maybe. But right now? My masc features dominate my face. And not in a good way 😆
          My hair is like 99.5% of my perceived “facial femininity”

          Again, I’d be shocked to see someone gender you masculine in public, there is not one overtly masculine feature I can point to in any of these pictures!

          It’s my voice. That’s what it is. That’s my fault and I should’ve been training already. That’s on me

          But, like…wow. Thank you. Actually, really thank you Azalea 💜

          • Azalea@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
            2·
            26 days ago

            I might be just silly cause I know I can be pretty socially unaware, but if I were to go by stereotypes, then in all your pictures you’re quite conserved/reserved(?), like you don’t try to take up a lot of space or make yourself seem bigger. I’m probably just grasping though.

            Also, never blame yourself for others misgendering you, at the very least no one is at fault, you don’t owe it to anyone to fit gender norms. I mean I’m out right now with pretty bad makeup ontop of a slight stubble since I only shaved yesterday evening, I don’t have the time to fix it so I just left it on, the wrong person could call me a slur probably, but that hasn’t happened yet, I’ve only noticed people being more certious to me than normal (twice since I left). Maybe it’s the area I live in, cause I did just pass the theatre and they had a whole charriot out with I think a couple people in drag, and a bunch of people all glammed up (sorry I just had to share that, not something you see everyday!)

            Edit: also, you’re welcome <3, always!

            • Miisha ♀️@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
              2·
              26 days ago

              like you don’t try to take up a lot of space or make yourself seem bigger

              That’s actually not incorrect. Even when I’m not taking pictures, I try to take up as little space as possible. It does NOT make me more feminine, but I hate taking up space. I have no idea how guys do it, legs spread, making themselves look as big as they can, no regard to other people… smh

              I don’t blame myself for people misgendering me. In the moment, I don’t care (I get it), but later, it just hurts…it’s not my fault tho.

              Sounds like you have something interesting going on where you live. That’s nice! Drag is cool <3

              I’m sorry to hear about your stubble. I thought I had it bad, but it turns out, I’m actually kinda lucky with how slowly my facial hair grows. I’m so sorry girlie 😔
              Also! You look very pretty! 💜. I’m soo jealous of your curls, you have no idea. Looking good girl! ❤️

              • Azalea@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
                2·
                25 days ago

                Yeah, the stubble sucks, but I manage, I’ll get laser one day!

                Thank you so much <3, just like you I wish to see it one day.

                Also you say you have love/hate relationship with your hair, but girl you don’t even know! I love it for the compliments but god is it ever difficult, that and I’m thinking of styling it different but unfortunately bangs are out of the question, they would be a nightmare to get right, by comparison to shaving though I don’t hate managing my hair, it’s frustrating but it’s not like I feel dysphoric styling it, and the maintenance is still reasonable.

                Anyway I’m glad you’re feeling better now

                • Miisha ♀️@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
                  2·
                  25 days ago

                  Good luck on the laser! Need it too, lol

                  Yess! Managing hair is absolutely a pain, but still worlds better than shaving. Totally agree!
                  Yours is really pretty tho! I get that styling must be a pain…still, I like it a lot!
                  I’m totally getting bangs one of these days tho…

                  Anyway I’m glad you’re feeling better now

                  💜

      • ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.orgEnglish
        2·
        24 days ago

        Your face is about as feminine as one of my cis cousins’ (not the tomboy), and I’m sure she wishes she’d have hair like yours. Also, the sweater looks really luxurious. It’s rather loose − is your mum taller than you, or also enjoys oversized things like my sister who keeps “borrowing” my sweaters? I hope you made silly little dances to enjoy the silhouette cast by streetlights.

        • Miisha ♀️@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
          1·
          23 days ago

          I guess I can take alright pics of my face then. It’s not even remotely feminine irl. Like not even the slightest hint of femininity anywhere on it…

          Mom is a bit shorter than me, it’s just an oversized sweater. I’m surprised it fits. Surprised so many of her clothes fit me, actually. I’m way too big for my own good…

          mean

          Fucking hate myself. Fuck this stupid body and face, destroyed by T. My face literally looks like a neanderthal…
          Fuck these narrow hips and massive shoulders. Fuck the fact that I have no fat anywhere except for my stomach. Fuck my stupid looking posture. Fuck me for letting all of this happen to my body. Fuck me being born, all in all
          I hope I don’t wake up tomorrow

          • ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.orgEnglish
            1·
            23 days ago

            There are many people who do hope you wake up tomorrow, and it looks like you find new ones every day! I’m one of them but this isn’t about me: I’m mainly glad that some of the physically closest ones are so supportive. Don’t think about the past, E is now in charge of your body and great things will happen to it as a result.

            And when you say mean things about your face, I’m wondering where that leaves my cousin, who is very nice and also has a loving BF. Your concerns are valid though and while I don’t think you need any facial surgery but if you do, you should start planning it. It looks like looking forward to your Thailand trip greatly reduced your dysphoria, which really needs to fuck off completely for your well-being. Depression is a bitch, I’m sure everybody who cares about you would love you to live without its shackles, and have whatever medication/surgeries you’d find helpful.