I would like to start off by thanking everyone. Your replies…just wow. I didn’t expect literally everyone to reply to my post…
I’d also like to apologize…for doubting you, even though I’ve very clearly received nothing but support from you all…
I had a really bad spiral. And I said some stuff. I want to apologize to everyone involved…
But I can’t leave Lemmy. I can’t leave the Transfem community. Not after all of the extremely positive experiences I’ve had here. Not after I’d met so many kind and supportive people…
This basically means…that you’ll have to put up with me for some more. And I’m sorry about that, y’all 😆 /s
But…I’ll try. I’ll try to be less anxious and more Miisha, if that makes any sense. I’ll try to be kinder to everyone and hopefully a bit more helpful. I just…really feel like this is a safe community, a little safe space that I want to be part of. So I’m sorry about what I did. It was wrong and overly dramatic of me.
I’m truly exhausted from crying and burying my head in the Godot game engine for hours at a time. So please…don’t go anywhere, okay? I’ll reply tomorrow, to all of you, kind people in my phone 🩷
And…thanks for having me here. Really, I mean it. Thanks for creating such a kind, safe and supportive community for us. And thanks for letting me be a part 💜
I also wanted to say I enjoy your posts and am glad you decided to stay!
Idk if this is any help or not, but I’m around ~1.5 years on hrt, and so far the worst point for dysphoria during it for me at least was at about the 8th-ish month mark. I also heard the same thing from some other trans people online, I think there’s something about that point where I noticed changes, but they felt so tiny compared to the first few months, and the initial happiness about starting hrt is starting to wear off, and it just all combined to made me anxious that it wasn’t working anymore, I still looked so masculine, etc. But that wasn’t true, and the anxiety and at least the exteme dysphoria did eventually start to pass. It really fucking sucks that it takes so long, but HRT is a second puberty, and puberty takes several years to have it’s full effects. At around that 8 month mark I definitely wasn’t getting gendered correctly a ton in public despite wearing earrings, basic makeup, having my nails painted, etc, but that did eventually switch at some point, and I noticed strangers went from misgendering me (or just not gendering me at all) to gendering me correctly.
My posts? Are you sure you have the correct person? 😆 /s
The dysphoria comes and goes. Yeah, the initial happiness is gone, but…I think I’m noticing changes. Just yesterday, I was brushing my teeth and looking in the mirror. I had toothpaste covering the lowest part of my face, and I was just like “How the hell do I not pass? I’m literally a girl.” in my head. And then I washed the toothpaste off, revealing my chin and was just like “Oh”. The point is…it’s possible. And it’s happening. It just sucks it takes such a long time, as you said…
Thanks a lot. This too will pass, and who knows, maybe I will too 😂 /s
Thank you so much 💜