Basically I’m like 99% sure I’m trans. If I could just magically physically be a woman right now, I would immediately, and probably never present male again.
However, I look male, I have a beard, broad shoulders, a penis, etc, and I don’t really mind either. Transitioning would be annoying and since I lived so long as a man, I’ll never pass, and I don’t like a “mixed look” at all. And yeah, I really don’t mind my body, I find men attractive, I find women attractive, I find myself attractive. I’m fine with what biology decided I should look like.
Does anyone share this kind of view on themselves? I only have tangential contact with any trans communities, and I never really see this sentiment represented.
I meant “fine” in the sense of, it’s fine that I don’t have wings, even though I’d love to fly around like a bird. It’s fine that I’m only 5ft tall, even though I’d love to be 6ft. It’s fine that I don’t have a mechanical exoskeleton. Stuff like that.
I’m comfortable with what I am. I feel good about being called a man, even though I would prefer being called a woman. I don’t hate anything about me.
Sure I deserve being delighted and joyful about my appearance, but I don’t think presenting as a woman would ultimately do that.
none of us live in your head, so no one but you can say whether you should transition. if, as you say, you’ve already tried presenting fem in a variety of ways, have truly considered the potential effects of HRT, etc., and came to the conclusion that you don’t need that to transition to be happy, then you don’t have to!
that said, your comparisons are all pretty bad. you seem to be treating “being a woman” as some complete impossibility, not something you can just do. nobody says you have to hate anything about yourself to justify transitioning, only that you should be happier after doing so. you keep saying that you’d prefer to be a woman, and from what i can tell the only thing stopping you is the perceived difficulty of whatever it is you imagine that transitioning to entail.
additionally, i’d like to note that transitioning does not have to be as binary as you seem to think it needs to be. for example: since you would apparently prefer to be called a woman, you could ask your partner or friends to refer to you and treat you as a woman in private. lo and behold, you are now being called a woman at least some of the time, and therefore will be at least a little bit better! (yes, i know, you are going to come back against this with the “but i don’t feel bad currently”, and i will respond "that’s completely irrelevant if the alternative results in you feeling better).
finally, the fact that you are even here asking these questions at all while repeating over and over how much you “don’t mind” being a man suggests that you do mind more than you’re willing to admit, even to yourself. if you don’t mind being a man so much then why did you make this thread in the first place?
i am not a therapist, and i don’t know anything about you other than what you’ve said in this thread. however, i think you need to think long and hard about what your goal was in making this post, and what you actually want. here’s a thought experiment i found useful: if you imagine yourself in 40 years as an old man and as an old woman, which seems better to you? would you, as an old man, regret not having transitioned?
this text isn’t particularly organized and was basically just me dumping out my thoughts in the order they came to me. i’m also happy to chat more in DMs if you like, my discord and matrix ids are in my profile :)
My goal was to figure out if there are others who feel similarly, because I seem to be pretty alone in what I’m experiencing. There are plenty of trans people who feel bad about being the wrong gender and want to transition, and they find connection with others who feel similarly. I just wanted the same thing for myself, which I thought my post indicated.