cross-posted from: https://lemmy.zip/post/65531716
Has anyone else started liking their friends less after transitioning?
I’m not sure if this is a common experience, but I’ve noticed that since starting my transition, some people I used to genuinely enjoy being around have started to annoy me.
It’s not because they mess up my name or pronouns. That happens occasionally, but they usually correct themselves right away and apologize. It’s more that I just don’t seem to enjoy their company anymore.
For some context, I’m a civil engineer, and most of my friends are engineers as well. I’ve noticed this most strongly with some of my coworkers lately. It’s hard to describe exactly what changed. Part of it is that a lot of them have a very “macho” attitude, but it’s not just that.
Sometimes I wonder if, before transitioning, I was convincing myself that I liked being around certain people because I wanted to fit in, and now I’ve stopped doing that. But it’s strange, because there are days when I feel annoyed just seeing them, or when they make plans and invite me.
Has anyone else experienced something similar after transitioning? Did your social circle change, or did you start seeing certain relationships differently?
The distinction between people who “get it” and people who are kind but don’t really understand actually resonates with me a lot.
I think I just realized that part of my discomfort isn’t only about certain attitudes, but also about how I’m included in group dynamics now.
For example, I have a friend I’ve known since elementary school and who was my best friend for years. The last time we all got together, it felt like I was practically invisible while he was off with all the guys doing barbecue stuff. Meanwhile, another friend in the group (it was actually his birthday) kept talking to me and including me in conversations. His girlfriend did too.
Looking back, they were probably the only two people there who made me feel genuinely included. Maybe that’s part of why some friendships feel different now.
My therapist told me that some of my relationships with people would change when I came out, some people would drift away, some people would get closer. So far I’ve been really lucky and everyone I care about has been supportive but I really treasure the people who’ve been actively celebrating the whole thing. But I think it’s normal to have a shift.